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Dear Mr. Thatcher,I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the ‘curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
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The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull$hit. And that's a promise I will keep.Always. . .Best,Wendi AaronsAustin, TX
Actual letter sent to Proctor & Gamble regarding their feminine products, and PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter…
God that's funny.
I would like to meet Wendi - I think we'd get along nicely.
oh my lord. Too FUNNY!!!!
ROFLMAO!!!! I am copying and pasting that one to forward on to friends!! Maybe Wendi should run for president... My kids like the aerodynamic structure too - but they use them more like rafts and pretend that Barbi is floating in the pool on them. Never mind the "super sticky feature" - I can tell you first hand that the adhesive can take a layer of paint off the walls too!! Kids are so great!
I read that tonight to my mother......I could barely read it I was laughing so hard. We both had tears in our eyes.
LOL best. I have often wondered the same thing. Who came up with that idea?! My son was helping me do laundry and he said, "Mama, have a happy period." LMAO I was like "what??" and he said he heard it on TV. He thought he was in trouble, but I couldn't quit laughing. It was funny to hear it from a 4 year old.
So you can get online and order samples of pads, tampons, perfume, makeup, lotion, whatever if you type 'free sample' in the seach. So in one package they sent me like 3 different pads, and then I got a sheet of stickers, and a package of post-it like notes, with Always on them, and "Have a happy _____________!" Like I'm supposed to fill in the blank. And the stickers! OH my GOD the STICKERS!! Some of them said "HAHP". Like what?? I think one even said "Have a happy period!" Are you f-ing kidding me???
Thank God I'm on the shot!
*tip toes in cautiously*
*drops a pound of chocolate into a tiger trap*
*sneaks away with life intact.... for now*
I will be back in 8 days.
mwahahaha your offering pleases the goddesses!
I need chocolate covered pretzels, sweet AND salty please for me. Helps add to the bloat :o)
MMMMmmmmm.....chocolate covered pretzels. My favorite.
Went for the chocolate and never noticed the tiger trap. :-D
I'll have the chocolate MnMs and the reeces peanut butter cups and the fritos and cream cheese, dont bother putting them into the trap because if it gets me I know who laid it.
You forgot to mention right around monthly friend time, you have a urge to get a bad hair cut or color?? why is that?? why do we want to mess with the hair 2 days before our friend comes to visit??
Becuase we feel like doing something about our general feeling of discontent even though it has nothing to do with the hair. We transfer the feeling on to superficial things to try to make it go away.
Then when the haircut sucks, we freak out about it 10 times worse than we would any other time of the month. Except now. For now, this is the end of the world.
Thats right!! we cant control anything but our own damn hair is how we get to feel!!
Just give me Oreos and a great hair day and I won't hurt you!!!!
You know how after surgery/anethesia they say not to make any important decisions for 24hrs......the mantra in our house is to leave me alone and don't ask me for anything 24hrs after the onset of PMS symptoms......either I will yell at you for asking or I will say yes to anything.....either way when I am back to normal you are skwerd.
LOL - that is a good system 3Girls.
My hub tracks my cycle more carefully than I do. That way he is prepared and knows when to do all those "errands."
I have the ziccups today.
It always cracks me up when he comes home with a Hershey bar.
LMAO, my bf would be SOL if I didn't tell him PMS was coming. I haven't had to deal with that much since I started talking Depo but that has been a few years ago and I've had some 'issues' in between then and now. I think you're only supposed to take it for 2 years because they say it can affect your bone density or something.
I am on the 4/period a year pill. It keeps me from almost filing for divorce every twelve months and I now only threaten divorce 4 times a year.
He doesn't do anything in particular that warrants me divorcing him I just get so enraged at some stupid thing like he didn't read my mind that moring or something and poof off to the lawyer I go.
My poor husband. Can you imagine his life in a few years since we have 2 girls, 11 and 8 years of age. The poor guy is going to need protective gear to come home on some days.
BB- I can no longer take the pill because it makes it even worse. We have 3 girls. 14, 5, 3. Good thing the dog is a boy. LMAO
LMAO Carrie and BB! We got my husband the boy dog too. Our girls are 9, 5 and 2. The poor man sells fabric to boot. And unfortunately, the dog is a wuss. He was definitely not the alpha male of his litter!LOL
Oh and we only have 1 yes that is right 1 full bathroom.
If you really feel badly for your lone male in a house of women, try this.
You run your own personal car on a real race track with instructors in the car with you. Only special equipment needed is a helmet and they have loaners.
You run your own personal car on a real race track with instructors in the car with you. Only special equipment needed is a helmet and they have loaners. $150-250 a couple of times a year can buy a lot of "man time" and give him something to talk/brag about at work.
I have been doing it for years.
my husband isnt into cars or hunting or football for that matter thank god.
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