Short sale-foreclosure-deed in lieu?

Single woman adopted a full silblingsgroup of 4 in 2008 and 2009 thru local foster to adopt care system  while attempting to work full time.The kids are considered special needs.It became impossible to fullfill the expectations of a full time job due to the medical needs and therapeutic needs of my kids. I tried to get a loan modification from BoA when I could only work part time, but they were not willing to work with me.Then it became apperent, that I could not meet the standard of the full time job and my employer was unwilling to allow me to work part time and I was failing, fearing I am getting fired. Not wanting this on my resume I gave my notice.So since August 2010 I have not worked.I knowing that this is what is happening had put the house on the market, but there were no buyers. We were offered to live in a cheap rental and moved thinking I am not paying and will loose this house. Now it is June 2011 and in April a person offered substantial less amount of money. Real Estate Agent suggested short sale thru HAFA, which was denied because we are not living there. Then the Real Estate Agent suggested COOP short sale, was denied, because I have an actual offer on the table. The Real Estate Agent says if I do a regulat short sale I will have to pay the rest of the mortgage back to BoA. I read other things about short sales.The Real Estate Agent replied that it all depends on what I negotiate with the lender. But how do I negotiate and who is advocating for me/us?With me not having all the info and honestly feeling overwhelmed with those decisions. So what would be the best route-short sale-deed in lieu-foreclosure?And who could I consult to help me?And what about the second mortgage BoA holds on the property? And what are the changes coming in 2012? Am I going to be effected by them?