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shelbylee

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its not like we are planning to not get married we are just taking things slow we want to in the future.. but getting a home is important to us we need a two plus bedroom for our child to grow in and us as a family its especially hard when we live with his mom and our child is at the foot of our bed in his crib.. makes for confined sleeping and living quarters.. any other advice besides DONT buy with a boyfriend?? keep in mind will be married in future..
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September 16 - Longview
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Paul Klenk, "paulklenk"

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I agree with Mack, you need to talk about this long and hard.  This IS important enough, like having a child, or getting married, to put some things down on paper.  Plan for the future and talk about it.  You live together, buy things together and have a child's future to plan for.  Talk to an estate attourney and get a will prepared ASAP.

Yes, you can buy as friends (not VA) with most loan programs.  VA only allows a married couples to be on the loan if there are 2 people.
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October 07
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Tiffany Bond, "TiffanyBond"

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This is my personal opinion and not legal advice...I have been there; in Washington State. I bought a house with a fiance (ring and all) *sure* that we would be married. We weren't, and the mess when the relationship ended was an absolute nightmare. For example, I kept the house - but since we weren't married, there was no exemption for paying excise tax to get him off the title - that added over 1k to the price of breaking up. Additionally, I spent well over 10k just in legal fees and drained my entire retirement account dealing with the financial fallout. (Lesson learned the hard way for sure) It probably would have cost us less to get married and then immediately file for divorce. Washington is a community property state, even if you aren't married. This means you get all of the down-sides of divorce with none of the protections of marriage. And honestly, most mortgage documents ask you to commit to a term of 30 years, which is longer than most marriages anyway. It may be unromantic, but may well worth running down to city hall for a quick marriage. You could just consider it part of the process. not mention it to anyone and have the "real" wedding later. If you don't choose this route...DEFINITELY get a lawyer involved and have an official, legal document that is recorded with the county that dictates what happens should a separation or death occur.


There is a reason so many people are telling you to get married. I ignored them when I was in a position to purchase my first house and just assumed it was a different perspective on morals and I couldn't imagine one silly little piece of paper making any difference to the committment I had. I was dead wrong.
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September 21
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sunnyview

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I agree with Mr. Mack. The choice to get married is a personal decision, but the business arrangements are best handled like business. It really covers a lot of problems if something unexpected happens--anything from an untimely break up to a permanent brain injury to a death of your loved one. I have been up close to people that have lost their fiance and then had to fight with their fiance's parents over the house because inheritance the title/mortgage was unclear. It stinks to think about, but it does happen.
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September 20
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Mack McCoy

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- there is IMO no reason you shouldn't be getting married.

Commitment is a funny thing. You have children together; you have a commitment towards those children. You buy a house together, you have a commitment towards that house (at least, towards that mortgage!). You're partners in parenting, partners in home ownership, but committing to each other in a marriage - whoa! Not so fast, there! Let's not get ahead of ourselves!

The thing about civil marriage is that you adopt an existing framework for handling problems - if you split up, there's a procedure in place (separation, divorce) for handling child issues (support, visitation, etc.) and real property ownership issues.

There's nothing wrong, in my view, with forgoing marriage (I'm into mine for 24 years, but that's our choice). What's WRONG is forgoing the formal agreements - what are each person's responsibilities, liabilities, obligations.

Buy a house together, we're fine with that. But be a grownup, and plan for life's contingencies: if you die, should your share of the house go to him, or your parents, or to someone else? If you break up, do you both continue to own the house together?

Grownups plan for these contingencies. Children pretend that things will always be fine, and there's no need to plan. You get to choose.

 
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September 20
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sunnyview

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You might want to see how much you can afford before you start looking for a house. Zillow has a calculator here that might help. You want to buy on the conservative side of what you qualify for to give yourself extra room for baby expenses. You also may a want to pick a sample house in your estimated price range to see what it might rent for. There are a couple rental site that might help zilpy and rent-o-meter so you can make sure that you can pick an area for good long term investment. Zillow is good for neighborhood research, but for narrowing zipcode areas I also use city-data to check on the demographics, average mortgage amount and average rent paid. Try to do your research and know as much as possible the area that you are looking to buy in.
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September 17
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asugradinwa

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I'm in the process of buying a home with my girlfriend (soon to be fiance, but that is another story).  However, because my girlfriend is self employed for less then 2 years I have to do all of the qualifying myself.  The fact that she makes nearly as much money as I do and that she pays half the rent is useless, it is all about what I qualify for.

However, you might want to check out USDA loans if you are looking on the outskirts of town (such as Carrolls, Kalama, or Castle Rock) as they provide up to 100% financng, NO Private Mortage Insurance, and can get you the best rates as long as your credit score is decent.  The only problem is that the loans are for "rular development," meaning in a smaller communities, so most of Longview & Kelso are not eligible.

Also,  if you have a kid together and want to buy a house together there is IMO no reason you shouldn't be getting married.  It sounds like you are both commited to making a life together, why not enjoy the tax benefits and bring less complications to the whole home buying process?  If you want to have a big wedding you can always get married in a simple civil service, and do the big thing later on.  I know a lot of people that have.

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September 17
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sunnyview

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If you need link to mortgage qualification calculators, budget calculators etc. Just ask for what you need. There are many people on the site with excellent specific resources that they will share so you can do some number crunching on your own to figure out a good budget for buying.
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September 16
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sunnyview

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Alright against my better judgement I will abandon my position to get a partnership agreement before you buy etc. (Please consider it though since it really does save serious trouble if ever...)

Try to look for a house that has rent fairly close or less than the mortgage, taxes, insurance (PITI) in an area where it is easy to find renters. Do not choose a house with two bedrooms if you can possibly find one with three. Two bedrooms always rent for less, cause to move if you have another child later (extra children tend to come at inconvenient times relative to the RE market cycles) and remove the option to rent a room to a friend/relative/tenant out if your need extra money for a while. Look for a house that is small with good basic structure--pitched roofs are preferable to flat ones, newer heating system may be preferable to a little more square footage to keep expenses lower on a monthly basis, good neighbors with jobs are must have, schools should be decent/middle quality or better right out of the gate, but don't have to be the super top elite school in the area. Yards are nice, but small yards work well with small houses and kids under the age of 7. Chance are you will sell before your child wants to play football or baseball in the backyard. Quiet is important. Do not consider houses on busy street. They are hard to resell, sell for less and are always a worry with kids. Zillow is a great place to ask all your questions and get opinions.
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September 16
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Mack McCoy

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What concerns would you like us to address?

The attorney comes before the agent and the lender, because you both have to agree, before you begin borrowing hundreds of thousands of dollars together, what will happen to the property in the unlikely case that one of you dies or becomes incapacitated.

If it were you, should it go to him, or to one of your family members? If it were him, should it go to you or one of his family members?

You probably already know and understand that both of you will be responsible for the entire amount of the loan, even if you two break up and one gives their interest in the home to the other. To put it another way, if you break up with him and quit-claim your interest in the house to him, you're still on the hook for the entire amount of the loan if he decides not to keep up the payments - even though you no longer have an ownership interest in the property.

But, enough about what concerns us. What's your question?
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September 16
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frisky1

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"why avoid the commitment" - Not everyone in America is allowed to get married to the person they love. Discrimination still exists!
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September 16
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DebtsNMesses

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There is no divorce court when buying with a boyfriend, so you, and your baby can be put out on the street at a moment's notice. I personally wouldn't do it w/o a marriage license. Plus, why avoid the commitment? Raising children is hard work and without clear commitment to each other AND THE KIDS, and sometimes ONLY FOR the kids, it's too easy to walk. It's hard work to stay married!

Trust me on that one. Some days, even months, even years, we are only there for the kids. On the other hand, other times we are only there for each other, cuz the kids are teens! lol
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September 16
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frisky1

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Most important thing is to have a lawyer involved to look over any contract you sign on a house to make sure you both are protected. Even in the deed you will have to specify how the property gets converted if one of you dies. You should also work out how the profits/losses are treated if you sell before you get married--esp if one of you is putting more money in. Treat it all like a business transaction (which it is)

There are also tax implications in how each of you split up the interest/ taxes paid on your taxes. You know that you can generally deduct taxes and interest paid on your federal return. But you don't have to split it 50/50. One of you may get a bigger benefit from deducting more than the other so look into that and maybe run the numbers.  Contact a tax professional (I am not one) for more info.

Look at a lot of houses and get very knowledgeable about everything selling in your town and the surrounding towns. Try not to buy because of the 8k tax credit (as if it goes away, prices will likely drop more). Be open to houses that need some work, unless you are absolutely not handy, as you will prob get a better deal. interview a few agents---not just one!!! DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH ONE HOUSE AND DO NOT BE IN A HURRY! good luck.
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September 16
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agentblu15

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There are also ways to write up the mortgage papers and the deed that offer some protection or a "way out" if something should happen to the relationship in the future, and one party wants out.
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September 16
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Hamp Yonce

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You first have to figure out how much you qualify for. Then you search home for sale websites to see if your qualifying number allows you to buy a house nicer than one you could rent etc...
You should call a local lending source, or do a Zillow loan request.
Call me at my mobile number, in my profile, and I'll walk you through the prequal issues. I don't do business in Wa. state so I would be neutral.
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September 16
 

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