2204 E Locust St, Milwaukee, WI 53211

The last time a stranger I met on the internet told me he wanted to show me something special it got weird so let's not call this apartment "special." However, you'll want to overcome stranger danger fears and tour this bonkers 7 bedroom, 3.5 bathroom house on the hippest corner of UWM campus. Now I know you and I are good, but your mom, bless her heart, still has reservations so let's up the ante: -Completely remodeled -In-unit laundry that occasionally opens other dimensions when you use three Tide pods at precisely midnight -Three and a half life-sized bathrooms with real working bathtubs -Garage parking that can accommodate up to five Charmanders -Lawncare and snow removal included, banzai tree services available upon request -Definitely not haunted (that's the house across the street next to Roast Cafe) -Pet / Pokemon friendly Ah yes, your Charmander has trust issues and doesn't want you to tour. Ok, as a gift for touring, I'll throw in a Pokeball and a free copy of my self-published How to Exit Awkward Conversations with People You Immediately Regret Meeting.