This once majestic home, reduced to an insulting 12 space parking lot, could be yours! Think of all the great features it once had but were bulldozed away out of spite, vengence, and greed. Irreplaceable home features inside include - Sticky floors - 10 car deluxe parking area + 2 completely awful parking spots - Quiet neighbors - Authentic roof deck - More than 20 useable bathrooms...wow! - Large semi finished basement also doubles as the main arena for the national keg ball league (just a spritz of febreeze may be needed), stage, and state of the art sound system. So much history you can almost smell it! - One unfinished basement (will require a shaman to rid of lingering spirits) - A short streak to the Deer Park through the parking garage - Energy efficient caveman kitchenette area with microwave containing contents from over 1000 hot pockets - Washer, Dryer, KA Fraternity Composite also included - Competition-spec billiards table that always rolls true - Fully furnished with, umm, vintage furniture - Revenue generating vintage vending producing $25+/month - Penthouse suite with views and bathroom - Parking service... Just leave your keys - High tech communications system, includes chalk - Vintage phone system that pays for itself - Indoor/outdoor herb garden - Group shower with dual shower heads - 100 gallon aquarium featuring every exotic algae species this side of the Atlantic And lets not forget the amazing outdoor space that includes - Water cannon - Comfortable outdoor patio furniture (AKA those two splintered benches) - Rusty tin gutter water collection that will make your pet trip out - Fully (not at all) antiseptically cleaned gutters for gutter bongs - Left over cardboards signs with ratings on them to judge passerby townies in their cars - Removable boards for windows (great for privacy) - One non-permitted, possibly architecturally unsound wrap around porch - 500 CD's from phony Columbia House Subscriptions - On site catacomb includes 1 corpse of JR's grandmother and two dead turtles - Also there may be a liter box in the old basement with 2 years worth of cat feces in it - Mrs C's living furniture to calss up the place
This property is off market, which means it's not currently listed for sale or rent on Zillow. This may be different from what's available on other websites or public sources.
