How to Make Your Guests Feel at Home, According to an Etiquette Expert

The holiday season means seeing family and friends, reminiscing, and maybe the occasional debate. It may also mean having guests stay at your place for a few days. And being a good host isn't just about having a clean house and plenty of food — it's about making your guests feel at home.

We asked Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and founder of The Protocol School of Texas, for tips on how you can prepare yourself and your home for guests around the holidays.

Plan ahead with a checklist

You’ve set up your holiday decor according to the pros, and you’ve tidied up. But things can easily go against your plan when there are lots of people involved. You don’t want to be rushing around attending to last-minute details in the midst of the fun. "Even seasoned hosts fall into this trap because they think they have hosted many parties in the past, but every celebration is different, and there are always last-minute hiccups," Gottsman said.

Creating checklists for yourself ahead of time is the best thing you can do, she said, so that you and your guests can make the most of the time you have together.

“When there is some type of order, like a checklist makes everything start off on the right foot,” Gottsman said. "Being prepared and having a plan b (for example, an extra casserole, a place for umbrellas, food for plus ones that were not invited originally) makes everything run more smoothly.”

Give your guests space

When everyone is in town, you may want to make the most of it by cramming everybody under your roof for their entire visit. Or maybe you want to set a table for twenty. But it’s important to be realistic in your planning.

Gottsman’s favorite word here is “budget.” Playing host should not mean breaking the bank. 

“It would be wonderful to throw a lavish celebration, or have 100 guests, but if you don’t have the budget or the space, it’s simply more appropriate to do what you can and not overburden yourself,” she said. “Going into debt is not advisable when hosting a party.”

Before you start offering up rooms and sleeping bags, ask yourself a couple of questions: Do you have room for everyone to sleep comfortably? And can you handle having that many people in your home for days on end?

Create comfortable sleeping spaces

When there aren’t enough beds for everyone, inflatable mattresses and even sleeping on the floor are fine options. While not ideal, Gottsman said this is perfectly fine if you just don’t have the space. Just don’t forget to let your guest know in advance. 

“Many hosts have college kids coming home for the holidays along with their friends, and families pull together to make everyone feel cozy and comfortable,” Gottsman said. “I’m sure the host would offer warm blankets, cozy pillows, and even a couch if one is available.”

Be ready with some extra linens in case your alternative accommodations are still too uncomfortable for your guest. And if you have something like a screen or curtain to give them a bit of privacy, even better.

Set boundaries for your guests

Gottsman said this is very important. Boundaries can help you maintain a cool head when there are more people than usual in your space, when there are kids running around, and when there are important tasks to be done. 

“If the host does not want their guest to go in certain rooms, there should be some way to keep the guests out by having the door closed,” Gottsman said. “Let your guest know where to place their coats so they’re not wandering around aimlessly. Guests should not go into a refrigerator without asking, but if the host sees this happen, they can politely inquire, ‘Are you looking for something?’”

And if you have guests who want to stay over for a longer period, think about setting a limit on how long they can stay. That way you can avoid burnout and start getting your home back in order.

Provide most (if not all) meals

While this isn’t mandatory, especially if it would be too tough given everything else you’ll have going on as host, it is a polite gesture to provide your guests with meals while they're staying with you. According to Gottsman, “it’s the host's responsibility to at least offer breakfast and a late lunch, and everyone can take turns making dinner,” Gottsman said. “The guest should offer to take the host out or go to the grocery store to prepare a meal or two or three.”

And if you really want to leave guests with a good impression, Gottsman said proper etiquette at a sit-down dinner is for the host to serve guests. But you don’t have to do that if it’s not your style.

Accommodate food allergies and sensitivities

It’s always good to ask if anyone coming has food allergies, or have other dietary needs, and take that into account when you’re preparing meals. Gottsman has advice for guests, too.

“If you are the guest and have a food allergy, it’s polite to inform the host and offer to bring a casserole to share with other guests," she said. "The host will most likely decline, but it’s an indicator to the host that there is an allergy involved.”

If you serve your food family style or buffet style, this could be an easier way for those with restrictions to choose what works for them. Also consider preparing meals that don’t include common allergens like peanuts and shellfish.

Accept help where you need it

Whether your guests offer to help, or you could use some extra hands, Gottsman said it’s up to you if you involve them.

“If they’re a close friend or a family member, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask your guests for help,” she said. “And guests can offer to help, but if the host says no, it’s appropriate to follow the lead of the host and go back to enjoying the party.”

Having help could give you the chance to bond with specific people when it might be tough to find one-on-one time otherwise. Don’t forget to thank them for helping out!

Don't anticipate gratitude, but accept it when you receive it

If your guest(s) brought you a gift, then you have some grateful guests under your roof! Gottsman said this is a polite gesture.

“The host is not obligated to open the gift in the presence of the guest,” she said. “They can wait until all the guests have left or open it the next morning, unless the guest requests specifically for them to look at the gift.”

And hey, If the gift is something you don't particularly like or is a bit unusual, focus on the thought behind it. You can say something like, "That's so thoughtful of you! I really appreciate it." Then you can repay them with a special snack or drink later during their stay.

What else should I keep in mind when preparing to host?

Gottsman has various tips for being prepared once your guests actually arrive. Here are her favorites:

• Make sure you have plenty of clean, freshly laundered blankets and duvets.

• Offer guests a Wi-Fi passcode. 

• Give guests an extra set of keys so they can come and go at will.

• Ask what temperature the guest likes to sleep in at night, and when possible try and accommodate their request.

• Sleep in the guest room before your guests arrive so you know how the mattress feels, whether you should replace the pillows, and get an overall feel for what your guests will experience.

And remember to keep communication clear, take deep breaths, and enjoy your time together!