How to Be a Good Roommate: 6 Essential Tips

Having a roommate can be a life-changing adventure that brings you some of your best memories, or some of your worst. It can lead to lifelong friendships and more affordable housing, but it could also make way for frequent conflicts in what should be a place of peace and safety.

We asked licensed marriage and family therapist Leeor Gal for her advice on how to be a good roommate, so that you can cohabitate harmoniously. Her roommate tips span things like how to set boundaries and why you should communicate regularly.

Whether it's your first time sharing a living space or you’re looking for help with your present situation, here are 6 tips on how to be a good roommate.

1. Do some mental prep

If you’re used to living alone (maybe you even prefer it) and you’re about to live with someone else, it can be tough to accept. You may be used to your own routine; playing loud music or enjoying quiet afternoons; letting your dishes pile up or clearing the sink ASAP. A roommate could change that.

Gal said being worried is reasonable, but there are ways to set things up so you can make the best of your new situation and be a good roommate to your future co-tenants. 

“Preparing for the shift and setting realistic goals and expectations is going to be huge,” she  said.

It can also be helpful to focus on the idea that living with someone new may bring you some new experiences or opportunities to grow, especially if they have interests that are different from yours.

2. Set expectations and boundaries

It's always a good idea to establish rules and boundaries that all roommates agree on as soon as possible. 

“Boundaries keep us sane and protected both physically and emotionally,” Gal said. “Learning how to set boundaries and accept others' boundaries is going to be crucial in living harmoniously with a roommate.”

Try to cover every aspect of your daily routine, from kitchen cleanup to nighttime rituals. Ask your potential roommate questions beforehand:

• What's your policy on guests, particularly overnight ones?
• Who takes out the trash?
• Is your dog welcome to snooze on their couch?
• Who makes sure the landlord gets paid?
• Who gets first dibs on the shower every morning?
• When do quiet hours begin?
• What is the maximum temperature for the thermostat?

Determine guidelines for all shared spaces, such as the refrigerator, bathrooms, and living rooms, and of course, allow for open communication on any issues. Once you’ve agreed to take responsibility for something, make sure you’re holding yourself accountable.

Any rules you want to establish should be discussed with everyone in the home, and everyone will ideally agree to them up front. Although it may sound like overkill, getting these details in writing can save a lot of trouble for everyone later on.

Also consider the first few weeks of living together as a representation of what you want for the future. If you're not into big parties, don't agree to throw a huge housewarming bash or you may be setting misleading expectations down the road.

3. Be mindful about what’s shared, and how

If this is one of your first forays into co-living with people other than family, you may be surprised that sharing doesn't come naturally to everyone. Maybe you are one of 10 children and are used to compromise; your roommate could be an only child, so taking hour-long showers is no big deal to them while you’ve been waiting at the door for what feels like forever. 

“If you are sharing a bathroom and need to get ready for the day, talk about each other's wake up time and usage of the shared spaces,” Gal said. “You always want to be respectful of each other's time and space.”

Being mindful of your roommate’s belongings is important too. If you need to borrow something from them, or vice versa, be clear on why you need to use it and when you plan to finish using it. If you happen to lose the item or break it, let your roommate know as soon as you can and offer up fair solutions, like buying a new one or helping to pay for repairs. This may take some negotiation depending on the item as well as each person’s personality and financial situation. Remember to see things from one another’s perspective and communicate honestly and respectfully.

4. Have regular check-ins

Regular house meetings are a great way to help maintain your previously established rules, as well as to coordinate when anyone has plans to have people over or go out of town.

“You should continue to have these check-ins to make sure that you are constantly on the same page,” Gal said.

Meetings are also a chance to check in with each other on how everyone is feeling about living together. Have you been feeling some tension? Or maybe you just want to express how you appreciate your roommate doing their part in the home. Gal considers this a green flag in a roommate – “gently and patiently approaching a topic is going to yield positive results when you can both honestly talk about what has been bothering you. This will ultimately end with a great conversation about how to resolve the issue!”

Once you’re nearing the end of your lease, you can use these meetings to talk about when or if someone plans to move out.

5. Keep track of the finances

The financial aspect of having a roommate requires everyone to understand when rent, internet and any other bills are due. It also means everyone has to reach a clear agreement on how things will be split, plus who is actually responsible for making payments. Setting up automatic payments where possible is one way to ensure your lights don’t go out. Creating calendar reminders could help you realize it’s the first of the month, saving you late fees or eviction.

Not everything has to be split 50-50. One person could cover the whole of the rent, and another could pay the utilities. Or one person pays all of the bills while someone else covers the groceries. This arrangement can be flexible depending on the people involved.

6. Be honest and considerate

Issues are bound to arise, and the way you each handle them could determine how the rest of your time together will go. Gal said honest communication is a hugely important ingredient for a positive relationship — or at least a neutral one. 

“Making sure that you respect each other and being willing to talk through challenges is going to be key to a successful living situation,” she said.

Gal adds that if you have an issue (within reason), bring it up before you have an eruption of emotion. She said if someone can’t express how they’re feeling and lets those negative emotions build up instead, they’re bound to explode. 

Keeping lines of communication open is a significant part of being a good roommate, because it can save many doors from slamming shut and ruining your relationship.

7. Prepare to compromise and problem solve

Keep in mind that your way isn't the only one. Perhaps you roll your clean towels, while they fold theirs. Or maybe your roommate doesn’t like the air freshener scent you use in your shared spaces.

Try to bring up any issues in a tactful way, and don't always assume something you don’t like is being done deliberately. 

“It's often not what we say, but how we say it,” Gal said. “Gently and patiently approaching a topic is going to yield positive results when you can both honestly talk about what has been bothering you.”

Avoid coming into conversations with your roommate with an attitude of disappointment or superiority — learning how to be a good roommate is also about potentially making mistakes and recognizing that from your roommate’s perspective, you may not be perfect.

Pick your battles wisely; some things are not worth creating tension in your home.