How to Find a Roommate

Finding a person to live with whom you’ve possibly never met before might sound intimidating, or maybe even impossible. But your circumstances may call for it — especially with the rise of the so-called “singles tax.” That’s the extra amount solo renters pay for a one-bedroom compared to splitting rent with someone else. If you choose to pay rent on your own, you’re paying $7,562 more than renters with roommates, according to a new Zillow Rentals analysis. So you may need a roommate more than you want one. But that’s OK! 

Whether you're looking to split the costs of renting, moving to a new city, or simply seeking companionship, a good roommate that you get along with can make all the difference. We asked a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in friendships, Leeor Gal, to share her tips on finding a roommate who is a good fit, so you can get closer to your ideal living arrangement and ultimately feel safe and relaxed with whomever you’re living with.

Know what you want and need in a roommate

The stakes are high when you’re living with somebody else; you’re sharing a home where you sleep and keep all your belongings. You’ll probably see each other every day. And you’re tying yourselves together in terms of making sure you have a stable place to live (if they don’t pay their portion of the rent, it could become your problem). So, choosing the right person is pretty important.

Before you start your search, you’ll want to ask yourself not only what type of person you’d like to share a space with, but what your absolute no-nos are and what you’re willing to put up with. Our research found that 31% of renters named respect for personal space as their most important quality. Is it one of yours? Try listing out the traits you’re looking for, so that you have a document to refer back to as your search evolves.

Browse room for rent ads

Starting your search online could help you meet that dream roommate.

You can browse for rooms on Zillow by selecting the "Room" filter, located under the "Home Type" drop-down menu. Each listing includes details about the available room, shared spaces, and roommate preferences.

You can also look to local groups on social media sites and neighborhood networks, where people post their spare rooms or ask who is looking for a new housemate.

Post that you’re looking for a roommate

You can also use Zillow’s Room for Rent feature to post that you’re looking for a roommate in the current rental you’re living in. And if you crave a more old-school approach, you can always print out flyers and stick them around local community centers, cafes, and college campuses. Looking for someone to live with in a new city you’re unfamiliar with? We’ve got a host of ways you can find someone in that case, too.

Tip: Be wary of scams.

If someone reaches out to you online, or they text or call you, verify that they’re a real person. You could do that by requesting a photo of their ID or scheduling a video call before you meet face-to-face. The early steps of finding a roommate also shouldn’t require you to share things like your social security number or bank account information. In fact, those things won’t come into play until it’s time to sign a lease, after you’ve done your research into this person.

Ask your family, friends and colleagues

You could also try your existing network. Asking a friend or an acquaintance if they know of someone looking for a roommate, or if they’d like to live with you can be an easy way to find your next roommate. Just remember that moving in with someone you know can have its upsides and its downsides.

“This can put your friendship to the test,” Gal said. “Living with a friend will bring up challenges in the friendship you didn't know you had!”

For example, if the two of you are really close and you don’t really have a history of disagreement, then when you need to be direct about an issue, it could result in awkward tension or someone feeling attacked.

Gal said your dynamic could change for better or worse. Maybe borrowing each other’s clothes used to be the norm, but now that you have constant access to one another’s stuff, that boundary might change because your roommate wants some more personal space. And that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

This advice doesn’t mean Gal discourages living with a friend if it feels right for both of you. “Can it be successful to live with a best friend? Absolutely,” she said. “I just think it's a whole different type of relationship to then navigate.”

Ask for references

If they have references from past housemates and landlords, reach out. If you ask about this and they say all of their former roommates were the issue, but the candidate themself never was, that might be a red flag.

Tip: You can conduct your own background check.

That could involve looking up a potential roommate’s name online, or even searching your state’s public record database. We’ve got advice on how to check a landlord’s background, and some strategies apply to a roommate too.

Ask candidates the right questions

Whichever method you choose to find a potential roommate, you’ll want to consider interviewing any candidates to help you get a better idea of who they are and what it would be like to live with them. When interviewing a potential roommate, you want to understand their personality. You do not want to realize you and your roommate are a bad match once everyone is moved in. 

“I would recommend writing down a list of questions to use when interviewing potential roommates,” Gal said. “This will help weed out individuals that will definitely not be a good fit.” 

A whopping 93% of respondents in a recent Zillow survey said they have dealt with at least one annoying roommate habit, the most common of them (28%) being a roommate who doesn’t help clean.

No matter if you’re planning to live with someone you know or a total stranger, you’ll want to get a clear picture of living together, and that includes things like learning about their financial situation, what they're okay with sharing, and what they like to do in their free time.

Spend time together before committing

Consider meeting potential candidates in person so that you can better gauge other potential red flags, as well as positive traits. “Try to get to know the stranger so that they are not a stranger anymore. If you think about it, everyone was a stranger at some point,” Gal said. “Getting to know someone new can be exciting! Perhaps this "stranger" will be one of your closest friends in the future.” 

Know that one person’s red flag could be another’s green flag. Do they tell a lot of jokes? Not everyone wants to hear punch lines every day, but maybe you love jokes. Do they talk too much? What if you prefer to listen to people’s stories? The boxes someone has to check are up to you.

Don’t ignore red flags

Listen to your intuition throughout this process —  you could hit it off right away, or maybe you just don’t match each other’s vibe, or something feels off to you. Don’t try to talk yourself into living with someone if you do spot any red flags; they’re called red flags for a reason.

Here are some ways to dig up possible warning signs:

• Ask yourself, do they respond thoughtfully to your questions and concerns? Do they have similar boundaries and lifestyle as you? Do they have good manners and behave maturely enough for your taste?
• Steer away from someone who’s not open to feedback. If you bring a concern to your roommate and they refuse to compromise or change their behavior at all, that will make for an uncomfortable relationship, to say the least, Gal said.
• Ensure your potential roommate has a reliable source of income. 
• Be clear you’re looking to live with them — not with them and their partner, or their friends, or their family. 
• Note behaviors that could shed light on their day-to-day habits, such as signs of heavy drinking or drug use, or poor personal hygiene. 

Make sure they can pay rent

Did you know that paying your rent can boost your credit score? So living with someone who can pay their half of the rent would help you both out.

Even if you’ve found someone who has a winning personality, they may not be able to pay the bills. Be transparent about how much your bills are, and discuss how you could split them fairly. Also ask for proof of employment or that they have some sort of income. And you should be prepared to do the same. Requesting a look at their credit report isn’t a bad idea, either.

What to do after you find The One (to Live With)

Once you’re sure you want to move in with a given person, there are a few things to do prior to moving in: 

• Exchange contact information
• Review your lease agreement, together or separately
• Check those references if you haven’t already
• Agree on chore duties
• Set up a move-in date
• Co-sign your lease — or your roommate agreement, depending on your situation.

Once everyone is settled in, don’t assume that making things work between the two of you is all on the other person. Living with someone takes cooperation and honest communication. Here’s advice on how you can be a good roommate. 

Living with someone — especially if it’s your first time or it’s been a long time — is a big component of your life. What you compromise on – or if you compromise at all – is up to you. Just be sure you’re not rushing into anything and that you feel good about your decision. Good luck on your search!