Moving With Kids: How to Help Them Cope With Moving Anxiety

How to help kids with moving anxiety:

1. Start the moving conversation with your kids
2. Involve kids in the home search
3. Ask kids to help pack for the move
4. Make selling their childhood home less stressful
5. Plan a fun moving day
6. Helping your child cope with moving

Moving frequently can not only disrupt kids’ friendships and daily routines but also cause stress for children predisposed to introversion or anxiety. Any type of relocation can be stressful for children, but moves triggered by life events like divorce or death can be even more challenging for younger family members. 

Whether your child is a toddler, a teenager or somewhere in between, minimizing moving-related stress for your kids is a must-do, along with all your other moving tasks. 

What is the best age to move your child?

The best age to move a child is in the toddler years, because they haven't entered school yet, and their day-to-day routine will be less disrupted. For school-aged children, younger is better, because younger children tend to be more accepting of new social situations and new people. Middle school moves are often made more difficult by puberty and hormonal changes. And high schoolers are reluctant to move away from their long-standing friend groups. 

Ages 0-3

• What to prepare for: While the youngest children may readjust easier to the new location, they may have a harder time during the move itself. They may be confused when they don't have their toys and can get cranky without a regular schedule. 
• How to make it easier: Leave a few favorite toys out and pack them last. On moving day, keep their schedule as consistent as possible, perhaps having a family member or babysitter on hand to make sure they get their naps in.  

Preschool and elementary age

• What to prepare for: Young children can feel confused and frustrated but also curious about the new location and excited to live in a new home.  
• How to make it easier: Spend a lot of time talking about the exciting things to do in their new neighborhood. Take the time to answer all of their questions, big and small, as they come up.  

Middle school and high school age

• What to prepare for: Be ready for big emotions about having to leave their friends, plus high anxiety about starting at a new school. 
• How to make it easier: Help them adjust by introducing them to kids in their neighborhood and signing them up for activities right away. Get older kids involved in the house hunt so they feel like they have a say in the move. 

College age

• What to prepare for: College-aged kids may feel nostalgic about you selling the home they grew up in, even if they don't live there anymore. 
• How to make it easier: Don't dismiss their feelings just because they don't live in the home full time. Keep a memory box with photos of the old house, plus keepsakes like the doorknob from their bedroom or something from the backyard. 

1. Start the moving conversation with your kids

Once you've definitely decided you're moving, it's best to tell your kids as soon as possible. This will give them time to cope with the changes, move past the initial stress and get excited for the new chapter in their lives. 

Plan out the moving talk

Hold a family meeting and make sure everybody is there. All family members should hear the news at the same time and from you directly, not each other. Some experts recommend telling your children everything that is motivating the move so they have a better understanding of why it needs to happen. Of course, this strategy works better for older kids and is sometimes not the best idea if you're moving due to a foreclosure, bankruptcy or job loss — you don't want to give them more to worry about. 

Focus on the positive aspects of the move

Whatever the reason for the move, focus on the positive. For example, if you're moving to a warmer climate, talk about all the fun outdoor activities your family will be able to enjoy year-round. 

Have photos of the new town or city available, share info about schools, and highlight amenities or activities that will get them excited. 

Listen and understand

You'll likely receive some pushback, maybe tears, but it's important for your kids to understand that you know how hard it is and that you'll do everything you can to smooth the transition. Even though it's a hectic time, don't dismiss your children's concerns. 

Explain the process carefully

Older kids won't need as much handholding about the move as younger kids. And younger kids who have only ever lived in one home may have additional questions. Kids' books about moving can be especially helpful. Here are a few recommendations:

• “Big Ernie's New Home” (ages 3-5)
• “Berenstain Bears' Moving Day” (ages 3-5)
• “Where I Live” (ages 6+)

2. Involve kids in the home search

Making kids part of the decision-making process is a great way to alleviate moving anxiety. By showing that you're considering their wants and needs, you can help kids move from feeling worried to excited about what's to come. Just make sure that your kids know that ultimately, the parent(s) have the final say. 

Create a family home wish list

By creating a list of what every family member wants in a new home, kids will feel like they have some control over the situation. Maybe the teenager wants a game room, or your youngest wants to live near a park. These are all great things to include on your wish list. Tell kids you'll do your best to incorporate their wishes, but it's not promised. 

Delegate research tasks to kids

Older kids who are allowed to use the computer can be tasked with researching the new town and identifying neighborhoods that might appeal to every member of the family. They can also research extracurricular activities that match their interests — a new dance studio, soccer league or after-school program. 

Don't drag your kids to all showings

You may have to tour a lot of houses before you find the right one for your family. Don't drag your kids to every single showing, especially if they're younger and likely to get tired or bored easily. Narrow down homes to a few favorites before you get the kids involved. 

When you do bring the kids along, make sure you have snacks and games for the car ride, know where to grab a bite to eat nearby and leave plenty of time for bathroom breaks. 

Explore neighborhood activities

If there's time between showings, try to explore the neighborhood — walk around town, grab some ice cream or check out area schools. You can also get the kids involved in seeing how far the walk is to parks, schools and activities. 

3. Ask kids to help pack for the move

In addition to finding the right home to move into, your family can also be tasked with getting your old home ready to list and sell. While having young children pack up your most prized possessions is not advised, there's plenty that family members of all ages can do to help pack. 

Start early

As a parent, you know that many tasks take longer than expected when you have little ones helping, so starting your packing process early is crucial. Packing early can also help facilitate staging. You don't have to wait until you are under contract on a new home to start packing. Spread out the workload by packing up things you won't need (like seasonal items) early on. 

Prioritize boxes

When you arrive at your new home, your kids will want to access their most prized possessions right away, so make sure you label boxes so they can easily find the items that will help them feel at home. 

Encourage decluttering

Before a move is the perfect time to encourage kids to get rid of toys or decor items that they're not getting much use out of. Position the move as an opportunity for a fresh start — perhaps one that could come with some new toys or decor for their new room. 

If your kids have a particularly hard time decluttering and you're downsizing into a smaller home, consider donating items you know they won't miss when they're otherwise occupied. 

If their bedroom furniture can be moved, take it with you — familiar furnishings can help kids acclimate to new surroundings. 

Keep communicating

Packing can be stressful and cause confusion for very young children. For example, when moving with a toddler, make sure they understand that these items are just being temporarily stored, and they'll see them again at the new home.

4. Make selling their childhood home less stressful

Prepping a home for sale with kids can be difficult, especially when it comes to showings and open houses. Here are a few tips for selling with kids. 

Schedule activities during showings

Hire a babysitter or ask a friend to take the kids to the park or a local museum during showings. If you're listing with an agent, it's best practice for the seller to not be in the home during the showing — and this goes for the kids too. Besides distracting potential buyers, it can make kids even more upset to see someone they don't know in their home. 

Offer rewards for cleaning

It can be a challenge to keep your house clean while it's on the market, even if you don't have kids. But it's extremely important to keep your house showing-ready at all times. Motivate kids to keep their areas clean by offering a trip to the movies or another fun activity as a reward. Make sure it's clear to your kids which areas they're responsible for keeping clean. It'll lower your stress and lead to a more positive experience if the whole family is on the same page. 

5. Plan a fun moving day

Moving day can be pretty hectic, and as a parent, you have two options: You can have someone else watch the kids so they won't get in the way, or you can involve them strategically. 

Planning moving day without kids

Especially if your kids are young, it might be better for everyone involved if the kids are elsewhere during the move. Pack them a suitcase with everything they need during the move, plus a few toys and comfort items. Then send them off for a fun day or weekend with a trusted friend or family member so you can focus on moving. 

After a day spent at the water park, the aquarium or the zoo, make sure to give the kids time to come back by the old house for an official goodbye after the movers are gone. 

Planning moving day with kids

If you think it'll be beneficial to have the kids with you during the move, or if you aren't able to line up child care, here are a few ways to get them involved — and make the day run smoothly. 

Introduce the movers: Take the time to introduce your kids to the movers. It will familiarize them with the process and ensure them that strangers aren't taking their belongings.

Set tasks: Give everyone a job. One child might be in charge of watching the dog during the move. One child might be in charge of mapping out the driving route to the new home (with fun pit stops along the way). 

6. Help your child cope with moving

Once you arrive at the new home, you'll have plenty of things to do. But make sure to set aside time to help kids find closure with the move, keeping the process as positive as possible. 

Say goodbye to the old neighborhood

If you're moving far away, host a going away party for your kids, their friends and your neighbors. Help your kids make a plan for everyone to keep in touch. 

Suggest that your kids make a bucket list of everything they want to do before the move. Take photos, make scrapbooks, have their friends write letters or visit their favorite spots one last time. 

Explore the new neighborhood

While your first instinct in the new home might be to spend most of your time unpacking, make it a priority to take your kids to do some fun activities in your new neighborhood. If your kids get excited about new places to explore, they may be less stressed or sad about leaving the old neighborhood behind. 

Try a new activity in your town every week — wander through a local cultural center, visit a different park, try a new restaurant or go to the movies. 

Remember, getting used to a new neighborhood doesn't happen overnight, so give kids time to adjust. For example, try to get a tour of their new school before their first day so they'll feel more comfortable and know where they're going. 

Unpack their rooms first

Children are creatures of habit, and the sooner they feel comfortable in a space, the sooner they’ll return to their regular routines. While you might be tempted to unpack the kitchen first, start with the kids’ bedrooms. Arrange the furniture, make the bed, and be sure that their favorite toys, clothes and belongings are accessible. After all, you want them to sleep well the first night in their new home!