30 Roommate Rules to Help You Live in Harmony

In this article:

• Rules for communicating
• Rules around finances
• Rules around groceries
• Rules for shared spaces
• Rules about personal space
• Rules around sharing personal items
• Rules around chores and cleanliness
• Rules for respect and expectations

Navigating the joys and challenges of living with roommates begins with a clear and mutual understanding of everyone’s expectations. Whether you’re moving in with a best friend or a stranger, establishing clear rules between roommates can make all the difference in maintaining a peaceful and enjoyable home. These guidelines not only help prevent misunderstandings, but they can help you be a good roommate. From splitting rent and bills fairly, to setting noise limits and respecting personal space, the right roommate rules can turn a potential roommate nightmare into a harmonious home.

Rules for communicating

In a shared living space, it’s essential that everyone feels heard and that important information is conveyed effectively. Setting up avenues for honesty is a great way to make sure each roommate feels heard. Agreeing on how you will keep lines of communication open and discussing expectations for how to bring things up will play a big part in how comfortable everyone feels, and help avoid misunderstandings.

1. Agree on how you’ll communicate

One of the first steps in achieving a harmonious home with roommates is to choose a main communication platform that everyone agrees to check regularly. Whether it’s a messaging app, email, or a dedicated group chat, having a central hub for communication ensures that no one is left out of the loop. This platform should be accessible to all roommates and used for everything from scheduling chores to coordinating social activities.

For more substantial or ongoing matters, consider a whiteboard or notice board. By placing it in a shared space, such as the kitchen or living room, you create a visual hub for essential messages and reminders.

2. Set expectations for discussing sensitive subjects

Not all conversations are easy, and some may require more thought and care. When discussing issues like financial disputes, personal boundaries, or conflicts over shared spaces, it’s crucial to have a structured approach. This might involve setting aside a specific time to talk when everyone is calm and undistracted, or it could mean having a mediator present if tensions are high. Whatever the protocol, it should be agreed upon by all roommates ahead of time, and followed consistently to maintain a respectful and supportive living environment. Many issues can be solved through calm and honest conversations.

3. Establish how to resolve disputes

In a similar vein, having a written agreement on how to resolve disputes is another important step in creating a peaceful home. This agreement should outline clear procedures for resolving conflicts, such as voting, compromising, or other methods. For example, if you can’t agree on how to handle a noisy neighbor or how to divide up household responsibilities, the written agreement can provide a framework for finding a solution.

4. Welcome all concerns, small or large

Addressing small issues before they become big problems is essential. When you live with others, it's natural for minor annoyances to arise. Maybe the living room is messier than you'd like, or someone is consistently late with their rent. If these issues are not addressed, they can lead to resentment and conflict. It's important to bring up concerns as soon as they arise. This not only helps to resolve issues quickly, but it also shows that you value your roommates and are committed to creating a positive living environment.

5. Schedule check-ins

To ensure that communication remains a priority, it’s beneficial to schedule regular check-ins. These can be informal gatherings over a meal or more structured meetings where you discuss the living situation and any adjustments that need to be made. Regular check-ins provide a safe space for everyone to voice their thoughts and feelings, making it easier to address issues before they become major points of contention. Additionally, these meetings can help build a stronger sense of community and trust among roommates, fostering an environment where everyone feels heard and respected.

6. Put agreements in writing

Documenting your agreements can be a powerful tool for preventing misunderstandings. Whether it’s a decision about how to split a bill, a plan for cleaning the kitchen, or a rule about quiet hours, putting these agreements in writing can help ensure that everyone is on the same page. A shared document or a physical copy posted in a common area can serve as a reference point, reducing the likelihood of disputes. This practice not only clarifies expectations but also holds everyone accountable, making it easier to address issues when they arise. Make sure wherever these rules are written, that everyone has access to them.

7. Welcome constructive feedback

It’s natural for roommates to have different lifestyles and preferences, and sometimes, these differences can lead to friction. To ease this, establish a rule that encourages everyone to give and receive constructive feedback so you can help each other adapt to the other’s needs. For example, if someone’s habit of leaving dishes in the sink is causing frustration, it’s better to address it kindly and directly rather than letting it simmer.

Rules around finances

If you’re splitting your living space, you’re likely splitting the bills as well. It’s imperative to discuss who pays what — and how much — early on in the process of agreeing to live together. This initial conversation sets the tone for the entire living experience and is a fundamental part of establishing roommate rules.

8. Split rent and bills fairly

Splitting rent and bills fairly is more than a financial agreement; it’s a pact that fosters trust and reduces tension. When it comes to dividing the cost of living, it’s essential to consider factors beyond just the number of people sharing the space. For instance, if one roommate has a larger room with additional amenities like a private bathroom or a balcony, it’s reasonable to expect that they might pay a bit more. Having an open and honest discussion about these details can help ensure that everyone feels the arrangement is fair and equitable.

9. Create and follow a bill spreadsheet

To keep track of all the expenses and ensure transparency, create a bill-sharing spreadsheet. This spreadsheet can include all recurring costs such as rent, utilities, internet, and any other shared expenses. By having a clear, organized document, everyone can see what they owe and when payments are due. This not only helps prevent misunderstandings but also ensures that all financial responsibilities are met on time.

10. Agree on payment schedules

Set a specific due date for rent and bills. Agreeing on a consistent date helps everyone plan their finances and avoids the stress of late payments. It’s a good idea to choose a date that aligns with when paychecks are received to make it easier to manage cashflow and ensure everyone is able to make payments on time. If your landlord has opted in to allow tenants to pay their rent online through Zillow, you could schedule your payments ahead of time.

11. Establish a “buffer fund”

It’s wise to establish a buffer fund for unexpected costs. This fund can be used to cover repairs, maintenance, or other unforeseen expenses that may arise. Each roommate can contribute a small, agreed-upon amount each month to build this fund. Having a buffer in place can prevent financial strain and ensure that the living space remains well-maintained.

12. Schedule financial check-ins

It’s important to review and adjust the bill-sharing system throughout the year. That could be bi-annually or every couple of months. Costs can change over time, and what seemed fair at the beginning of the lease might need to be re-evaluated. Regular check-ins allow everyone to voice any concerns and make necessary adjustments, ensuring that the financial arrangement remains fair and practical for all roommates.

13. Make a plan in case someone can’t pay their portion

This may be an uncomfortable conversation, but if one roommate can’t pay their part of the bills, who will cover for them? And for how long? These are important questions to ask if a worse-case scenario were to arise. If your roommate isn’t able to contribute for two or three months, would you be okay with that? At what point would you need them to figure out a way to contribute financially before you can no longer afford to cover the full amount on your own? Ask these questions to each other and write down what you agree to.

Rules around groceries

Rules about what groceries will be shared, and who will pay for what, can depend on your type of co-living situation. These rules are important to establish so you don’t overstep a line you didn’t know existed. If you’re sharing a bathroom, is one person paying for the toilet paper indefinitely? And if you both love cookies, will you share a pack, or each get your own? Will you and your roommate(s) share basics like milk? If not, will everyone have their own labeled supplies?

14. Establish a grocery budget

Establishing a monthly grocery budget is a key part of managing shared expenses. It can help prevent overspending and ensure that everyone is contributing a fair amount. To determine this budget, consider how many people are in the household, eating habits, and dietary restrictions. It can be helpful to have an initial meeting to discuss everyone’s financial comfort levels and agree on a budget that works for everyone. The budget should cover shared essentials such as milk, bread, and common spices, as well as any agreed-upon meals or snacks. By setting a budget, you can avoid the stress of unexpected expenses and ensure that the grocery fund is used efficiently.

15. Create a shared grocery list

A shared grocery list and budget not only streamlines shopping but also helps keep the pantry stocked and finances in check. When living with roommates, it’s essential to establish a system that ensures everyone contributes fairly and that the household has a consistent supply of essentials. One effective way to achieve this is by using a digital tool to manage the grocery list. Shared digital tools like spreadsheets or task applications can provide real-time updates and transparency, allowing all roommates to add items as they run out and see what has been purchased. This digital approach helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures that everyone is on the same page, which is a key aspect of roommate rules.

16. Establish what groceries won’t be shared

Establishing what is essential and what is a personal preference is key to avoiding conflicts and ensuring that everyone’s needs are met. For example, toilet paper, cleaning supplies, and basic groceries may be shared expenses, while specialty snacks or specific brands can be purchased individually. This distinction helps to keep the budget manageable and ensures that no one feels like they are being forced to pay for items they don’t use. It’s a good idea to have a clear discussion about what items are considered essential and what falls under personal preferences, and to document these agreements for reference.

Rules for shared spaces

Your communal areas may vary depending on your situation. Maybe you only share the kitchen, or that and the living room. Maybe you also share a bathroom, or even a bedroom. No matter if you’re sharing one area or several, having rules for how to live in these areas together is crucial.

17. Agree to schedules for shared spaces

If you have similar schedules throughout your day, like getting ready for work or school at the same time, figuring out who can use the bathroom at that time can be tricky. Sit down and discuss how you can work together here; maybe you’ll use it in five-minute intervals, or one of you will wake up earlier to finish getting ready before the other begins their routine.

18. Do not hog shared areas

Maybe you and your roommate like to cook in the kitchen at the same time. But if you don’t, or if there’s just not enough space, you should set expectations on how long each of you should be in the kitchen when the other is trying to make food as well. On busy days, you could have a rule that you can only make quick meals, or remove distractions like phones to get things done faster.

Rules about personal space

Speaking of what you will and won’t share, the cornerstone of any harmonious living situation is mutual respect for each other's personal space and boundaries. While you share a living space with a roommate, it's important to recognize that not every corner is for sharing, so discuss what areas are to be shared, and when.

19. Establish which spaces are shared vs. private

As soon as you move in (if not earlier), it's crucial to have a conversation about which areas are designated as private and which are for everyone's use. For instance, your bedroom and individual work area should be respected as private, while the living room and kitchen are for communal use. Clearly outlining these boundaries will help each of you to know where you can unwind and where you need to be more considerate of your roommate. This is especially significant in smaller living quarters, where lines between personal and shared spaces can be less distinct.

20. Establish personal storage spaces

Whether it’s a closet, a drawer, or a designated shelf, having a place where you can keep your belongings safe and out of reach is essential. This not only helps prevent misunderstandings and potential conflicts but also gives you peace of mind.

21. Knock before entering personal spaces

A fundamental and crucial rule is to always knock before entering your roommate's room. This simple gesture of respect demonstrates that you value their privacy and personal space. It's not just about avoiding uncomfortable moments; it's about nurturing a foundation of trust and respect..

Rules around sharing personal items

Before you decide to whip up a recipe from your roommate’s cookbook or borrow their headphones, it’s always best to ask first. It’s easy to get into the habit of using your roommate’s belongings, especially when you’re living in close quarters. However, this can lead to misunderstandings and tension. 

22. Decide, together, what will and won’t be shared

It's a good idea to set up a sharing policy from the get-go. Establish a list of items that require explicit permission to use, and those that are more freely shared. For substantial belongings, like electronics or personal attire, consider a system of permission slips or verbal agreements. This process may seem formal, but it can save you from future headaches.

23. Ask before borrowing things

Even if you’ve previously reached an understanding that you’re allowed to borrow each other’s stuff, set the expectation that permission should always be asked anyway. Let’s say you’ve previously agreed to share part of your wardrobe, then you had a night when you were planning to wear a given top, only to realize your roommate is already out and about with it on, but they didn’t ask you if they could borrow it that night. Asking first can avoid surprises like this.

24. Be honest about not wanting to share

It's very important to be attuned to your roommate's emotions. If you sense hesitation in sharing certain items, be respectful and don't press the matter. Personal belongings can carry sentimental value or be essential for daily routines, and it's vital to recognize and honor that. On the flip side, if you're the one who's more protective of your possessions, clear and calm communication can help your roommate understand, creating a more empathetic living space.

Rules around chores and cleanliness

Cleaning schedules might seem like a bore, but they're the secret to a well-oiled household, ensuring everyone chips in and the place stays spick and span. When you're living with others, it's crucial to set out clear expectations about cleanliness to sidestep any potential conflicts and keep the peace.

25. Establish what “clean” means

What’s clean to one person may not be clean enough for another. Shortly after, or before, moving in together, have an open conversation about what each of you considers a clean and organized space. From how often to vacuum and dust to the frequency of doing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom, hashing out these details will help you set a solid foundation for a cleaning routine that works for everyone.

26. Assign chores

Unless you’ve agreed to have one person keep every space clean, it’s useful to keep track of who is in charge of which chore. You can ask each other if there are chores they like to do, or at least that you dislike less than others.

A rotating system ensures that no one feels overburdened by the same chores week after week. For example, you might decide that one roommate handles the kitchen one week, while another takes care of the living room. The following week, these responsibilities can switch. This can help make the cleaning process more manageable and less daunting for everyone involved.

27. Create a chore schedule

Having a set day where everyone rolls up their sleeves can keep you all on the same page, and keep your home consistently clean. This is the day to tackle bigger tasks like deep-cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming the carpets. Breaking up the cleaning tasks can also make the process more efficient. For example, one roommate can focus on the kitchen while another takes care of the bedrooms. 

You could also use a chore chart to keep track of who is responsible for each task, and by what day each task should be done. 

Rules for respect and expectations

It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day stresses and forget the importance of basic courtesy when you live with a roommate. However, by establishing expectations on how living together will go, you can foster a sense of mutual respect and kindness that makes your shared living space a more enjoyable and peaceful place.

28. Set up a guest policy

Have an early, open dialogue with your roommates to figure out everyone's comfort levels when it comes to visitors. For instance, you might collectively decide on a limit for overnight guest stays per month or designate specific days for visits.

When visitors do come by, it's crucial to set clear expectations to keep the household running smoothly. Guests should be mindful of your established rules, like cleaning up after themselves, and asking before taking other people’s things.

29. Set quiet hours

This can be especially important if you and your roommate have different schedules. If you work overnight shifts and usually sleep during the day, explain this to your roommate and figure out a reasonable compromise for when they can be a little louder if they need to be, say for work meetings if they work from home and you have a small home.

30. Agree on pet responsibilities

If you already have a pet before moving in, it’s very important to be upfront about your pet and their behavior before you move in together. If your roommate is fine with your furry friend, that doesn’t mean they want to be responsible for them — or maybe they would be. This is why you need to talk it out. Craft a roommate pet policy that clearly outlines roles, responsibilities, and boundaries. This policy should cover everything from daily care routines to emergency protocols.

If you decide to adopt a pet together, each roommate should have a designated role to ensure the pet's needs are met and the workload is equitably shared. For example, one roommate might handle feeding and walks, while the other manages vet appointments and medical care. It's also wise to have an open discussion about the financial aspects of pet ownership, including food, toys, and medical expenses, to prevent any potential financial strain or misunderstandings.

Having rules like these in place from the start can save you and your roommate some conflict and misunderstandings. Remember that communication and respect are key. 

If you haven’t found a roommate yet, use the Zillow ® rental site to browse rooms for rent and find one that way. Once you lock in on a place to live, you can look up the right questions to ask your potential roommate to see if they’d be open to following the kinds of rules you have in mind.